Union at Union
*sigh* it always seems to turn into some kind of event when i step into the 14th street area of Manhattan.
Union Square- Whole Foods with its never ending line, you would have sworn it was a free event going on, some type of concert or FEMA stipend being given out the way the line wraps around the store for their over-priced rabbit food.
Taco Bell- You seductive cheap bitch.
Starbucks- I just use you to charge my phone and shit in your toilet. Fuck your Vente.
That damn park..
The free massage man- who is as perverse as they come, is now on a “face-sitting” campaign. You rubbed my feet last week you are not sniffing my asshole today.
The Recruiters- Abercrombie, Hollister and Areopostale ethnically correct models, walking around- harassing me for a job that i already have and hate.
The hot guitar player from Nebraska- Thanks for the free CD, it will be a great coaster, or i can use it to break my weed up. my thoughts on you:”Save a horse, Ride a cowboy.”
The Retro Kids- Really? REALLY NOW? The bleached high top gumby cut with the cuts in the back and cross-colors jacket? You were born in 1992, You dont remember Kid and Play. You think the “Dougie” is a new dance that the Fresh Boyz came up with.
The Models- With your portfolios (yea yea yea i was you once) and androgynous features. Wait till you hit that ripe old age of 24, its time to start looking into Stewardessing. is that a profession? Stewardessing?
Chess Player- You slick old jive talking brother, we sat for about 2 hours talking about your lust for the white woman or a china doll. Whomever can help you open the laundromat you always wanted.
The Free Hugs kids: STOP IT.
The Children’s Village Donation People- You stand smack dead in front of pedestrians walking, showing me a picture of Pedro or little Mufasa- cute but im looking for a sponsor myself.
P.S To the Polish guy who tried to fuck me in the Whole Foods bathroom after i lied and told him i was 17…
I’m calling Chis Hansen for that ass.
